underemployment

harkavagrantfeed: Hark, a Vagrant:...

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 22:18:54 -0800

Hark, a Vagrant: Requests!

“You’re ‘Daddy Smash’ and not another word.”

YOU GUYS the funniest thing I have read in a million years. KATE BEATON! You are THE BEST.

I laughed SO HARD, my parents demanded to know what caused such an uproar, and I showed them, and they laughed as well. Especially my mother; she does appreciate an Eyre sisters (Bell brothers) joke. So, not so bad.

"It’s a deserved sort of sad, a harsh wrist-slapping punishment for someone who stuffed her..."

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 18:48:22 -0800

“It’s a deserved sort of sad, a harsh wrist-slapping punishment for someone who stuffed her hand greedily into the cookie jar because she felt for some reason that she was owed cookies simply by virtue of her wanting cookies. Which is sort of how America works half the time, but then that other half tends to come along and satisfyingly slap people back to cold, hard, Pilgrimy reality. Tough is tough for everyone, work is work for everyone.”

- Real Housewives of Orange County : This Is the Way the World Ends

Richard Lawson: articulator of Bravo-born fever dreams.

myparentswereawesome: Tony Submitted by Toni LOOK AT THIS....

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:34:27 -0800

myparentswereawesome:

Tony

Submitted by Toni

LOOK AT THIS. Someone’s dad was basically a Stooge, as in, the Three. So great. I want to favorite every single photo from My Parents Were Awesome, they are all so sweet and charming and funny and beautiful.

"These kids, unbelievably, are more technologically inept than my 60-year-old colleagues whose first..."

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 00:14:00 -0800

“These kids, unbelievably, are more technologically inept than my 60-year-old colleagues whose first experience with computer data processing involved punched cards. Contrary to all logic and my minimal expectations, their near-continuous computer usage has had no effect on them. None. Many of them are absolutely fucking baffled by the concept of correctly attaching something to an email.”

- Ed, again.

You guys, I faked my first research paper 12 years ago, in 10th grade; I stayed home “sick” from school and found all my sources online and then looked up a bunch of books on my topic and attributed my quotes to those books.

I took computer classes in 1989, 1990, when there were B drives and floppy discs actually flopped; I wrote my first proper research paper as a 12-year-old, getting 80 percent of my information from the internet.

Most days I feel like the oldest, dumbest person in the world. It is a relief and a shock to hear that kids 10 years my junior, who never knew life without computers and the internet, are worse at technology than me. I AM NOT YET OBSOLETE.

(soon perhaps, but not yet.)

bedtimechamp: Mister Rogers “Make a Journal” iPhone/iTouch app...

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:22:44 -0800

bedtimechamp:

Mister Rogers “Make a Journal” iPhone/iTouch app for kids! (via PBS)

Kidlets can make a journal with Daniel Tiger!! Ohhh my heartstrings.

"Are there any real Hobos at the Convention? There are many former and current hobos, tramps and..."

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 12:57:38 -0800

“

Are there any real Hobos at the Convention?

There are many former and current hobos, tramps and rail-riders who join us at the Convention

Can anyone become Hobo King or Hobo Queen?

To be elected King you must be a true rail-rider. You must pass a committee of hobos who will test your worthiness to run.

”

- Hobo FAQ

Because there’s a Hobo Museum, of course.

"Everything in a photograph is possible evidence. It depends on the questions we are asking and..."

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 23:25:00 -0800

“

Everything in a photograph is possible evidence. It depends on the questions we are asking and trying to answer.

…

We read correctly or incorrectly a photographer’s intentions into every photograph we see. We also imagine the intentions of the people in a photograph. We see intentions everywhere. We even see them in the blind patterns of nature.

”

- “The Case of the Inappropriate Alarm Clock”

It’s embarrassing how long it took me to focus long enough to read this series; it’s fascinating.

"This brand of economics is the conservative obsession with personal responsibility taken to the nth..."

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:09:12 -0800

“This brand of economics is the conservative obsession with personal responsibility taken to the nth degree. We are weak, selfish, and we spend frivolously. If only we’d buckle down, pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, and limit ourselves to “necessary” expenditures we would be fine. Yes, we can cherry-pick an example here or there of a person who blows all his money on plasma screen TVs and can’t pay his mortgage just like we can find earmarks that are pure waste. Neither example is evidence that our problems as people and as a nation have to do with priorities.”

- Ed, who is great.

Exactly the right song, exactly the right time. And anyway,...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:12:37 -0800

Exactly the right song, exactly the right time. And anyway, it’s a pretty perfect song, all on its own.

(Skeeter Davis - “The End of the World”)

definitely far from worst

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:42:25 -0800

I didn’t think Jennifer’s Body was so terrible. Actually, I liked it. It was certainly more entertaining than any other gory horror movie I’ve ever seen, though I don’t actually like much at all in that genre. Jennifer’s Body was funny, though, and clever without being cutesy, which was one of Juno’s big problems, all mugging for you and tap-dancing like a low-rent Shirley Temple impersonator. Jennifer’s Body winks at the audience too frequently, but I think even the girls’ makeout scene made sense, and Amanda Seyfried is great in everything—seeing her all averaged-out was strange, considering how ridiculously pretty she is—and the Low Shoulder plot was all right, too; I mean, it wasn’t super-scary or anything, but it made me jump, and made me laugh, and having a movie about girls, by ladies is a good thing. Not everything has to be 100 percent the greatest to be praiseworthy.

And Megan Fox, she’s OK; I think she’s very good-looking, and it’s fun to see her in a bunch of outfits (outfits! the reason I am all right with most models). Or, you know, aesthetically pleasing. Outfits and “acting” are more interesting than some gross Stuff magazine spread, ruffled underpants, vacant eyes, open mouth: gross, boring. Plus this isn’t about dudes. It’s aggressively not about dudes, I think, despite them being sort of the catalyst for the big story, and that’s refreshing. Rushmore remains one of my favorites, despite its being a film of a boy’s journey of self-discovery &c. that is supposed to be universal. That’s not news, “boy” = “everyone,” but that doesn’t mean I have to like it, and when a girl’s narrative is simply the universal narrative, instead of “girls’ narrative,” even in the marketing of the movie, it’s like a big present.

Of course my expectations for it were so low that its coherence alone made the movie exceed them; maybe it does deserve only five of 10 stars. I’d give it 7.5, though, maybe even 8; of all the solid, trashy films in the world, I’d watch Jennifer’s Body again tomorrow.

(then again I’m feeling pretty poorly toward dudes at the moment and thusly are storylines centering on them being eaten alive probably more entertaining to me than usual.) (probably.)

sexpigeon: Grow these monsters on your own patch of...

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:15:55 -0700

sexpigeon:

Grow these monsters on your own patch of sidewalk.

I used to hate pigeons, then my boyfriend showed me how wonderful they are. We aren’t together anymore, but I still love pigeons. So there’s a good thing that came out of it. Pigeons! They’re really the best, you guys. They’re super-birds.

ladies' vaginas: all wrong

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:09:15 -0700

Better use LINGER, the “internal feminine flavoring” mint! What? Yes, mints for your vagina, because that shit tastes WEIRD and not at all like a nice normal mouth that has just been cleansed with Listerine (or better: Lysol!), which it should because germs. And delicate palates!

Your boyfriend wishes you would use LINGER. He may not wish you to use his microwave to sterilize all your underpants because of your unending yeast infection, but is that so much to ask for a minty-fresh vagina? I think NOT.

God SFPL, way to take a fucked-up holiday and somehow worsen it....

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:40:08 -0700

God SFPL, way to take a fucked-up holiday and somehow worsen it. What a nightmare. I liked The Page, it’s a good bar, especially for being in the Haight; every time he referenced it in his shitty novel, it gave me the douche chills. Because, shut up, Dorst, don’t use one of the only non-touristy, non-disgusting bars in the neighborhood to make yourself sound cool. You are a bad bad writer and I feel bad for places that have somehow become associated with your awful book.

whoops, again

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 17:30:09 -0700

Someone has a very heavy hand, when she is pouring herself afternoon drinks to pass the countless fucking hours out here in suburbia. Someone needs to maybe learn to pour a little lighter, lest she find herself ha ha drunk on a late Tuesday afternoon, suddenly deciding that NOW IS THE TIME to shop for undergarments online.

Now is not the time, but don’t try telling me that after this enormous cuba libre (you get to use the fancy name when it’s just you and you’re writing it, and it includes an entire lime because it includes an entire can of Diet Coke because WHY NOT). Seriously what am I doing with my life. All this indolence and no Big Man even to pat me on the head and tell me I look pretty in that apron? Pathetic.

FML vs MLISA PART TWO!

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:30:34 -0700

mylifeissoawkward:

Listen up tweens: last week I accidentally started a controversy the likes of which MLISA has never seen before. My crime? Letting everyone know how the FML website was an inadvertent rip-off of the old incarnation of this here website. Now, three of you seventh graders (or whoever the hell reads this website) have left nasty little comments on the post. Here they are!

Name
Too bad for you that My Life is Average is EPIC compared to this website.
At MLIA we rule among ninjas, dinosaurs, and harry potter.
Awkwardness better than being average?
I laugh at the thought.

Rachael
um yeah hi epic fail u losers this site sucks fml is waaaaaaaay better. just saying.

Anonymous
How can you say that the sites are similar but FML and MLIA are worse and suck? No offence but I think FML and MLIA are way better. They are more popular. Funny how FML and MLIA can suck but yours doesn’t. o_O

So I took another look at FML and I literally (figuratively!) died laughing! Just check out this HI-LARIOUS entry:

Today, I got a ticket for having my brights on. The street was pitch black and it was 1:30 in the morning. FML

OMG OMG OMG I AM LAUGHING SO HARD I CAN’T BREATHE! Except not. What! That doesn’t make sense. A traffic ticket! Oh nooooooo so funny and amazing. I got a traffic ticket this year. Did I post about it? NO! Because nobody cares.

IN SUPER DOUBLE CONCLUSION:

FML is a website for the tweens who aren’t cool or literate enough to read My Life is So Awkward and instead of making you realize just how funny the little things in life really are, it makes you hate the internet for bringing such utter banality into our lives. Also, HOW RUDE ARE YOU that you need to post a nasty comment on a website written by two unemployed girls who make no money off it and do it just for fun. Here is a thing you can do: DON’T READ OUR WEBSITE AND KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF. Yes, I am talking to YOU, lil.oompa.loompas@hotmail.com rachaelhayes@gmail.com and cmrunyon19@yahoo.com

You should all very very ashamed of yourselves.

Posted by Caroline

Plus if you give them small amounts of money Monique and/or Caroline will send you totally awkward postcards! Or at least, one totally awkward postcard. FML is for reading only on your lowest self-esteem days; My Life Is So Awkward is FOREVER.

"And you can never tell, until their hand grips your arm too tight, and they don’t let you pull away,..."

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 20:38:00 -0700

“

And you can never tell, until their hand grips your arm too tight, and they don’t let you pull away, and you realize it’s late, and you’re alone in their apartment, and the first feeling isn’t fear or panic, but that wave of resigned disappointment. Because how were you supposed to know?

But this myth we build and perpetuate or the rapist as Not Like Us is almost one of self-defense—to allow us to have functioning relationships with seemingly normal men, not admitting to ourselves how many of them have, would, could, or will rape, given the circumstances.

”

- the myth of Not Like Us

Realizing that Not Like Us is a myth is a huge contributor to the difficulty of being a straight girl. Once you accept it and understanding just begins to dawn, that any man you know—whether you love him or care for him or find him stupid and obnoxious—has the potential to rape. It’s overwhelming and frightening, and so, so depressing.

misterhippity: youngmanhattanite: Neil Peart: 2nd Worst Lyricist Ever. This article is a win if...

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 14:30:45 -0700

misterhippity:

youngmanhattanite:

Neil Peart: 2nd Worst Lyricist Ever.

This article is a win if only for this one line:

“Among those who’ve read The Hobbit 38 times, [Robert] Plant has probably slept with the most women.”

(It also contains this glorious business:

“He’s the type who’s sensitive, wears glasses, likes long conversations, winter, standing by himself at weddings and disregarding his ex-girlfriends’ restraining orders. He’s the frontman for Washington-state indie-rock softies Death Cab for Cutie, and he’s got five albums of come-ons so abstruse the ladies will barely notice him tugging on their ankles.”)

I love TV, but I do not have cable; commercials are the worst....

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 11:08:11 -0700

I love TV, but I do not have cable; commercials are the worst. Now, apparently, PSAs are about a billion times more terrible than advertisements. This is insane. Shocking, and nauseating, and horrifying, and fucking gross.

"‘Nobody understands their consumer and has their finger on the pulse of their consumer like..."

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 21:13:08 -0700

“‘Nobody understands their consumer and has their finger on the pulse of their consumer like Nike does.’”

- The Associated Press: Agent: Michael Vick re-signs with Nike

Apparently Nike’s consumer has no fucking soul.

"everyone knows that the fastest cure for carbon emissions is to eliminate the poor, with their..."

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 19:33:34 -0700

“everyone knows that the fastest cure for carbon emissions is to eliminate the poor, with their deregulated factories and self-indulgent private aircraft.”

- The Horrible Ramadan Servant Exodus

Oh, “Rich People Things,” I’ve missed you so.